One of the first exercises we do in FF1 is freewrite on the question, “If you were in a long-term relationship with money (and you are), how would you describe that relationship? What would you say to money? What would it say to you?”
The core concept is that, unless you have a healthy relationship with money, you’re going to have problems with money.
Once I write it out, it kinda sounds obvious.
So what does a healthy relationship with money look like? (Hint: what do healthy relationships in your life look like?)
Does it make you feel uncomfortable to say that you love money? Most of us have a complicated relationship with money, one where we don’t want to think about its central importance in our lives. But whatever we have: our homes, our education, our sense of security in the world, money had a central role in providing it for us.
After selling PUGS, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do with the second half of my life. What I’ve realized is that I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew how I wanted to be. And that was grateful. I realized that you could have everything in life, but if you weren’t grateful, you had nothing. It’s the feeling of abundance that mattered, not the material having. That’s why I created the Gratitude Dojo.
So I started thinking about my own relationship with money, one characterized by a script of money vigilance. I realized that the place I wanted to be was to recognize (“re-cognize”, as in “understand again”) what money has brought into my life. And to feel grateful for it. Maybe even love it? I mean, financial freedom, and everything I talk about, the ability to choose how I spend my life, the time to spend on what I choose with whom I choose, all comes because of money.
Once I write it out, it kinda sounds obvious.
I’ve been talking to FF1 and FF2 grad Danielle LaSusa, who’s a philosophical coach, about integrating more ideas about gratitude into the course. These are some of her ideas:
Only buy things you're grateful for, and be grateful for the things you buy. If you were more intentional about being grateful for the things you buy, you would probably buy less stuff (her child gets 3 Christmas gifts max so she learns to appreciate things).
Be grateful for the money that enters your life, whether it is through gifts, wages, capital gains, etc.
Be grateful for the possibility of FI at all; she had a revelation that saving for retirement is not something she HAS to do, it's an opportunity no one in history really had and she GETS to do.
Think about all the money that's come into into your life and all the things you've ever bought with it (similar to YMOYL), and infuse the whole process with gratitude for all those things, experiences, feelings, associated with money.
Jen Sincero, author of the 'You are a Badass' books talks about how having deep gratitude not only for the things you have but also for the good things on their way to you is the "high holy moly of manifesting"
Practice paying attention.
I heard this Native American idea this summer:
“If you don’t say thank you for a gift you don’t complete the cycle of responsiveness and it’s less likely to happen in the future. If you don’t say thank you when you turn on the tap, it’s less likely for you to have clean water in the future. If you don’t say thank you for the sun, it’s less likely to come out tomorrow.” What happens when you’re not thankful for money?
Financial advisor Luna Jaffe says, “The very act of practicing is what builds confidence and memory. Practice implies paying attention and repetition. Practice noticing the money you receive. Often we receive money in bits and pieces, barely noticing its arrival, much less saying goodbye. Pay attention to what comes into your life.”
I want to pay more attention to the bits of money that come into my life: the rent check, the birthday check from my aunt, any money that comes in from teaching FF. After being so vigilant for years, I want to be more grateful.
And one more grateful thought: I’ve realized is that after living 20 years on $20,000, I’ve built a habit of frugality. As we discuss in class, my sense of enough (lagom) has gotten to the point where I don’t really want for anything anymore. To put it another way, because I don’t really want things, I can buy whatever I want. Literally. There are times I rack my brain trying to think what do I want to buy and then I realize, I can’t buy anything that would make me happier. Or to put it another way, I have everything I need to make me happy (and of course, the rest is up to me).
That’s something to be grateful for.